Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   only got 4 minutes to save the world

   We used to be young and carefree, and now we have a favorite cashier at the grocery store.

   thinks the best cats are those that are stuck to my tire.

   changing my profile pic isn't going to change anything is this world..i'd rather donate a bit of money than change my pic.

   If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

   Funny how Flynn went from "lock her up" to maybe being locked up.

   Anyone that uses the word yolo I hope gets aid and herpes and dies a slow painful death

   My name is I, My problem is LOVE, The solution is YOU.

   To all you Pro Obama people praising him for this deed.. I don't remeber Usama being anywhere near the Whitehouse when killed. That is where Obama was sleeping while this mission took place. It has also been said that the intel leading to his whereabouts

   Yeah marriages are cool and all, but have you ever heard of something called freedom?

   Dudes block their girl on twitter thinking she can't see his tweets. That profile with 3 tweets that just followed you, guess who that is.

   I want to do a post about a pirate dating site called e-Yarrrmony,,, but the process is too arrrduous

   I know someone, who knows someone else, who just happens to know someone. . .

   I'm going to cover my entire body in bacon so I can become more desirable.

   Why do blacks only get February but every month is Truck Month??

   Tough guys who were their sunglasses on the back of heir heads are just covering up their gay eyes that check out other guys dongs behind them.

   Science will never impress me till I can pay a hooker by swiping my credit card down her ass.

   Garbage men are the least respected civil servants. They work just as hard as firemen and cops, but no one ever calls them heroes. Probably because they smell like used tampons and old Chinese food.

   I am confused, Did the murder/ cheater/ substance abuser Ray Lewis retire or not cuz they are sure showing him a lot on tv right now..

   Sitting on a cornflake waiting for the van to come.