Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   WoW. Think about that word. WoW backwards is WoW. And WoW upside down is MoM. And MoM upside down is dad's favorite thing. :)

   When you clean your vacuum cleaner, does that make you a vacuum cleaner?

   [Jesus breaks bread] This is my body [Jesus pours wine] This is my blood [Jesus brings out Alex Trebek] and THIS. IS. JEOPARDY.

   Marriage tip #6: When your wife is laying down on the couch, ask her if she plans on doing anything today. This will subconsciously remind her that she has chores to do that need done, and she needs to get up and start doing her chores.

   A thing I learned during the past four years: Bad behavior gets you nowhere.

   The white house staff has more turnovers than a bakery.

   Trump condemns Hurricane Harvey for violence and devastation, but insists "Texans have provoked Mother Nature. There's blame on many sides."

   What's trump's favorite cereal? Cheeri O's, the cereal made for little hands.

   not GAY!!!! But his boyfriend is....

   Other than THAT, Mrs. Kennedy...how did you enjoy the ride in the convertible?

   To the man who does not want me to make $15 an hour at Burger King.....that wasn't real mayonaise

   The answer to the giraffe riddle is EYES.

   Helium addiction is horrible because no one takes your cries for help seriously.

   It's absolutely hilarious when an idiot tries to convince you and themselves that Android handsets are better than an iPhone.

   free falling!

   All my Nieces are Brilliant and Beautiful and obviously take after their aunt!

   I guess it wasn't video who killed the radio star. RIP Kris' Kraddick...

   Looks like someone thought it would be a good idea to let the jester rule the kingdom again.

   Imagine how much more seriously Jesus would've been taken if he rode around on a stallion and not a donkey.

   The Mayans were wrong so they must've been men!