Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Today is the shortest day of the year. Can't wait for tomorrow when the days begin to get longer once again! 
The only thing I won't eat for breakfast is lunch and supper!
Trapped in a mine in New Zealand... Shouldn't be too bad. ...If you can avoid the orcs, trolls and the gigantic Balrog.
hates it when old relatives come up to you at weddings and say, "You'll be next, dear". I'm sure they wouldn't be too impressed if I started saying that to them at funerals.
playing fetch with his Chia Pet.
On a Highway To Hell.
On the Tim Hortons roll up, "please play again" ..I scribbled it out and returned it to the manager, replacing it with "please let me win" she gave me back my cup and hit the red button.."YOU'RE A WINNER" then she said "NOT!" and laughed at me!
Happy National Surprise Random Drug Test Day!
Pick a number, double it, add 10, divide it by 2, then minus it by the number you started with. LIKE if you got 5.
You say potato, I say Rocky Dennison.
I feel like a MILF because Man I Love Facebook.
Ughh,,,, I was in a house today that smelled like someone died in it ....while looking for someone else who died in it..... After cooking dog farts wrapped in cabbage....
"The problem with quotes on the Internet is that they are difficult to verify" - Abraham Lincoln.
only bowl tom brady should be playing in is the turd bowl
Men and women are obviously different. Men have trouble expressing their needs. On the other hand, women will express their needs, every fricking need for every fricking minute for every fricking day!
To the guys mocking Religion and the Prophets. This is what the people of those times did. They did not believe despite inevitable proof and this is what you r doing and more like will continue to do. Even if you
You condemn me as the devil himself in an attempt to erase my spark But since the devil don't exist where I am, he could only be where you are
I think I am going to get a Dr's lab coat and post a video on how to treat Covid with my credentials being "A bunch of my family are Dr's, so that makes me qualified".
"I'm not like other girls", she whispered into the mirror while combing her hair with the claw end of a hammer.
For the last time, it's called "Duct Tape"; not "Duck Tape." Now shut the fuct up already. 