Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I feel like a MILF because Man I Love Facebook.

   Ughh,,,, I was in a house today that smelled like someone died in it ....while looking for someone else who died in it..... After cooking dog farts wrapped in cabbage....

   "The problem with quotes on the Internet is that they are difficult to verify" - Abraham Lincoln.

   only bowl tom brady should be playing in is the turd bowl

   Men and women are obviously different. Men have trouble expressing their needs. On the other hand, women will express their needs, every fricking need for every fricking minute for every fricking day!

   To the guys mocking Religion and the Prophets. This is what the people of those times did. They did not believe despite inevitable proof and this is what you r doing and more like will continue to do. Even if you

   You condemn me as the devil himself in an attempt to erase my spark But since the devil don't exist where I am, he could only be where you are

   "I'm not like other girls", she whispered into the mirror while combing her hair with the claw end of a hammer.

   For the last time, it's called "Duct Tape"; not "Duck Tape." Now shut the fuct up already.

   Her: "I always like YOUR posts, how come you never like MY posts?" Me: "Because I don't like your posts."

   Does Moscow Mitch have teeth? He's always gumming.

   Trump was chosen to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, but he couldn’t go because of bone-spurs.

   I think I am going to get a Dr's lab coat and post a video on how to treat Covid with my credentials being "A bunch of my family are Dr's, so that makes me qualified".

   My mom says to me, "What makes you think you're so great?" I said, "What makes you think that I think that?" She goes, "Because you just dumped a bucket of Gatorade over your head."

   your so black the cops shot at you and the bullets came after you with flashlights!

   Twinkies are coming back!!!!!!! :)

   Life is like a $h!t sandwich. The more bread you have, the less $h!t you have to eat.

   Micheal Phelps did it again......Smoke weed before swimming, got hungry and hurried up and swimmed to the Golden All-American buffett

   I despise dictatorships... All dictators should be shot,,, and if anybody disagrees with me,,, they should be shot as well.

   It pains me when I look on one side of the world and see people with nothing to eat and starving to death and on the other side I see selfish people eating more than their bodies require and die from obesity-related complications.