Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Women are beautiful creatures. Just beware of the claws, and fangs.

   how do you keep a little dog from humping your leg? Tape a photo of ur mom on ur kneecap.

   everybody is celine dion in the shower..

   Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

   Marriage is not a word or a sentence, as reported above. It's an institution - like... prison.

   headed down to Jared Jeweler to get my homegirl a "special designer" ankle bracelet for her while doing her house arrest. Then I'm going to Macy's to pick her up a designer womens black/white pin strip sweater. Make her feel as if she still in the can.

   Your chick so easy a caveman can do it! ~t.white~

   So I'm a guy and would it make me gay if I put as my status, 'I like it on a hospital bed'? Just wondering.

   Why does this baby gravy always have to stick to my eyes

   ~ A teacher at a school for overweight kids was fired for sniffing cocaine. His massive pupils gave him away.

   gravity is every blnode's enemy

   Happy+Friday=much fun......

   knows what you did last summer...

   my ex is a nob...he wears womens pants....he looks like Peter Griffin and his new girlfriend is council estate trash!....well it makes me laugh anyway!

   throwing acid is wrong, in some peoples eyes!

   I knew Steve Nash deep down is a laker fan. Even his right eye and purple and yellow

   just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF... Best Facebook Friend Forever

   Dear Celtics and Laker Fans God will be ignoring all your request for a victory tonight so don't waste your prayers....

   Asked my wife to try A nal and she turned into the rhubarb lady...

   hey Missouri Powerball winner! Show me... the money (someone had to say it first)