Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Too bad NY was wasted on New Yorkers

   Hi, i'll have a venti cafe mocha vodka val!um latte to go please! Me at the Starbucks Barista.

   I missed a period in that last status. I hope I'm not pregnant!!!

   Sometimes you're the poo and sometimes you're the shoe.

   That uneasy moment when DRAKE realised that both his eyebrows are "On One"

   When it comes to certain people. The best part of them is the part that ran down their daddy's leg.

   Good morning Friday...tell your pal Monday he needs to come around here tomorrow so all my friends can get back to work so they don't forget how great it is to work for a living.

   I wonder if Jack Lalane was buried, cremated, or "juiced"?

   WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please pickup your cell phone and call everyone you know about this!

   The top 5 footballers from the 2010-11 season have been announced: Giggs Cort Given Thomas De Koch.

   @Guys - If we just met you and we're making out on the dance floor, chances are it wasn't your dance moves that got you this lucky.

   I don't ever see the cup half full....and by "cup" I mean jock-strap.

   like a good neighbor state farm is there....with the winning lotto numbers

   Whose idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

   If this had been a status update, the Attention Signal you just read would have been followed by official status, news or general BS. This concludes this test of the Emergency I Don't have a Status Update.

   when I die my gravestone is going to have a "DisLike" button before facebook does!

   Rsvp to friends Event that I wasent invited to Yes facebook I would love to be creepy. Facebook makeing us creepy one Event at a time

   Going to drink straight from the carton because I'm a badass!

   INSTALLING RAIN FOR TEXAS ████ 44% DONE... please wait. Installation failed. Please try again.404 error:Rain not found. Weather "Rain" cannot be located. The weather you are looking for might have been removed, had its name changed or temp. unavai

   Ever wonder why some people wait 'til they're in their cars and stopped at traffic lights to pick their noses?