Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Drinking is the leading cause of hangovers
←Rate | 01-18-2014 17:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give a man a fish and he'll ask you why you are trying to buy a box of donuts with a fish.
←Rate | 01-19-2014 11:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh Lawd, this woman in Wal Mart has a box of tampns and bottle of Midol in her.....Please everyone stay out of her way!
←Rate | 01-25-2014 10:28 by wayneh Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went out clubbing last night. I got 5 baby seals. A new personal record.
←Rate | 02-07-2014 10:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vietnameese girl working at the parking lot at the olympics in Russia fired after tourist complained that all she said was "SOCHI SOCHI FIVE DOLLA'"
←Rate | 02-08-2014 13:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanna make a t shirt with hitler swinging a baseball bat and FDR in umpire gear saying 3 Reichs you're out
←Rate | 04-09-2014 23:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you love someone set them free, if they don't come back hunt them down and beat the snot out of them.
←Rate | 05-22-2014 08:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Too bad NY was wasted on New Yorkers
←Rate | 06-06-2014 10:11 by JCW Comments (1)  


   messageicon Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
←Rate | 10-15-2013 07:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out.
←Rate | 10-23-2013 00:03 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon •*´¨`*•.¸¸¸.•*´¨`*• ¸.·´¯`·.¸¸><((((º>
←Rate | 10-23-2013 22:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hi, i'll have a venti cafe mocha vodka val!um latte to go please! Me at the Starbucks Barista.
←Rate | 08-18-2014 14:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I missed a period in that last status. I hope I'm not pregnant!!!
←Rate | 11-23-2014 10:01 by Steve OH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes you're the poo and sometimes you're the shoe.
←Rate | 09-13-2011 18:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That uneasy moment when DRAKE realised that both his eyebrows are "On One"
←Rate | 09-14-2011 04:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When it comes to certain people. The best part of them is the part that ran down their daddy's leg.
←Rate | 09-29-2011 20:04 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good morning Friday...tell your pal Monday he needs to come around here tomorrow so all my friends can get back to work so they don't forget how great it is to work for a living.
←Rate | 09-30-2011 06:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Jack Lalane was buried, cremated, or "juiced"?
←Rate | 10-03-2011 21:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please pickup your cell phone and call everyone you know about this!
←Rate | 06-06-2011 14:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The top 5 footballers from the 2010-11 season have been announced: Giggs Cort Given Thomas De Koch.
←Rate | 06-08-2011 08:42 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  




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