Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hey...so, how do you like these 4 foot high walls here in the Mens room?...See that Mariner game last night? Nice belt...Alligator? You have a piece of chive in your teeth...umm, ok, well..whatcha say we just do the wipe thing at the same time and split?

   Yankee's A-Rod just tapped his 600th. 14000 shy of Wilt Chamberlin.

   Every piece of chocolate I ever ate is getting back at me..desserts are very revengeful..they make sure you land up in the gymjail and weep!

   says Just finished the KFC double Down .... Whoever made this had to be STONED because no one sober could come up with something SO GOOD !!!

   Why Yes Officer...I did see the Speed Limit sign...I just didn't see YOUR car!

   Waiting 4 the day when 1 of the tri-nations lands(new zealand,australia and south africa)figures out how 2 play american football.then we'll own that sh!t 2.just as we did with england and their rugby lmao.

   It's easier to drive to mars than to figure out how a male thinks .

   Officer, why did you stop me for speeding? You see all those ahead of me? Clearly their the one's who are the speeders.

   theres only one way to become champion ......... never loose

   How many Feminists does it take to finish this joke without offending anyone?

   I will no longer use Facebook as a vehicle for being a wise ass.I will use it to uplift,edify and educate,as it was intended.

   Imma have my own restaurant called Bacon On It....making foods you love with dun dun dun Bacon on it

   Nothing is worse than the silence after I say Hi-lo to a pretty girl...

   So Iran wants to make an Oil for Nukes deal with North Korea! The best deal is still the one Israel has with the USA....... Nukes for NOTHING !!!

   Huggie, Huggie, Huggie can’t you see, sometimes your words just piss off me…

   I swear some girls with big asses think they can get away with murder. You have a huge bass because your face is a car wreck, please behave yourself

   I be talking fast as hell at the gas station when I'm broke . . . lemmeget5on2

   Lance prolly lied about the whole Cancer thing just to cover his doping...

   if she has big boobs she just wants to here she has a nice smile... if she has small boobs she doesn't matter

   It's my birthday. Make me happy!