Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do you ever log on to Facebook just to spend 3 hours checking other people's profile just to see their recent activities?

   I was riding shotgun in an old man's truck when his cell phone rang. He checked who it was and said, 'I have to take this' then pulled over, parked, then answered the phone. What?

   Were drunk! you dont have to know or like me to make passionate movie love to me!! Tomorrow we'll act like it never happend!

   Shall We Play a Game?

   wake me up when September ends.

   thinks that tomorrow today will be yesterday

   If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.

   Dear Search and Rescue, my Appetite seems to have gone on a wrong bus..haven't seen him in days. Last seen wearing a cheese burger and some chips. If found please return to me. Pls treat as urgent. Thank you

   Banks today are sending out pre-declined offers!

   I blame my addiction on violent movies and video games on my dad giving me the movie RoboCop when I was 5.

   Do you know where the nearest phone booth is located? Just I thought, Superman is screwed!

   of all the copyright infringements on youtube.....they leave Justin Beiber, Jermaine Dupris and Master P.....but they remove Bob Marley!! What's next....make weed illegal??

   had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."

   In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

   remember..we are all just human...except Ryan Seacrest...he's a midget alien from Mars.

   is eating mushrooms and chasing white rabbits

   "You can lie to me but, Dont lie to Yourself"

   didn't come to be loved, he came to be hated. From the root to the fruit.

   apple today announced the Ipod for senior citzens ....... its like the Ijitterbug

   gonna be the new poster boy..... for birth control