Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do you know where the nearest phone booth is located? Just I thought, Superman is screwed!

   of all the copyright infringements on youtube.....they leave Justin Beiber, Jermaine Dupris and Master P.....but they remove Bob Marley!! What's next....make weed illegal??

   had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."

   In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

   remember..we are all just human...except Ryan Seacrest...he's a midget alien from Mars.

   is eating mushrooms and chasing white rabbits

   "You can lie to me but, Dont lie to Yourself"

   didn't come to be loved, he came to be hated. From the root to the fruit.

   apple today announced the Ipod for senior citzens ....... its like the Ijitterbug

   gonna be the new poster boy..... for birth control

   sick of talking about herself in 3rd person.

   : Taylor Swift has applied for a patent for her invention of a new musical key.

   Have you ever been so bored you started a rumor about yourself just to argue on the other end of it...

   If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?

   divorcing her liver and requesting alimony.

   PSA: When you find out it is a snow day, everyone on facebook already knows. Please do your best to refrain from updating your status to "no school" or "snow day". As it does get on my nerves.

   Aibohphobia -- fear of palindromes (ironically it is a palindrome)

   so you know what's hotter then today? Me......that is all.

   's ideas regarding romance have drastically evolved since kids & marriage. Flowers are lame. A man pushing a vacuum or starting a load of laundry without being asked, however, is the hottest thing since Brooke Shields swam the Blue Lagoon naked!

   Sleeping is putting a restraining order against me, I have to pay for my dreams support.