Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You do the work of three people......Larry, Moe and Curly.

   Driving while snappin in to a slimjim is a bad idea....

   That fire we once had is now embers

   You will never hear me say things like "I would never wish it upon my worst enemy", hell if you are my worst enemy I would wish it upon you ten-fold.

   I can't wait for the next Daniel Radcliffe movie, where he will play "the guy played by the kid who used to be Harry Potter in this new movie that no one will see."

   Good Mornin! Thanking The Man Upstairs For Waking Me Another Day..NVM It Was His Dang Kids Runnin nd Jumpin Being Hella Loud All Morning!

   look into my eyes, now sleep, sleep.....sleeep, so I can steal your pop-tarts

   You're Profile Picture had me at Hello... as in Hello, Report/Block, Goodbye that's a Fake Profile B*tch!"

   no those jeans don't make your a55 look big...it's your a55 that make those jeans look small.

   A teacher told me about a growing trend in the younger grades: banning erasers from class, so kids don't have to feel like they're wrong.

   Your lips are tasting like Vodka and I just wanna get wasted.

   I like to play mind games, but sometimes I leave my equipment at home.

   Today is Teachers Day. Any other whiskies should not be allowed...

   When I sing I think I sound like an angel.. (; When really, I sound like a dying walrus!

   In therory we gained an hour, I demand a recount!

   Why doesn't Krackel challenge CRUNCH'S supremacy in the chocolate-and- crisped-rice space? Why does Hershey's keep it in the fun size ghetto?

   If sex was part of your CV, how many references would you have?

   and asks the bartender, "how much for a drink?" A neutrino walks into a bar

   known to the state of California to cause cause cancer. Everything causes cancer in California.

   I just wan't some head, you can keep the sex.