Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Your lips are tasting like Vodka and I just wanna get wasted.

   I like to play mind games, but sometimes I leave my equipment at home.

   Today is Teachers Day. Any other whiskies should not be allowed...

   When I sing I think I sound like an angel.. (; When really, I sound like a dying walrus!

   In therory we gained an hour, I demand a recount!

   Why doesn't Krackel challenge CRUNCH'S supremacy in the chocolate-and- crisped-rice space? Why does Hershey's keep it in the fun size ghetto?

   If sex was part of your CV, how many references would you have?

   and asks the bartender, "how much for a drink?" A neutrino walks into a bar

   known to the state of California to cause cause cancer. Everything causes cancer in California.

   I just wan't some head, you can keep the sex.

   If you know anyone who's mute and has a neck brace, ask them as many yes or no questions as possible.

   Adults Only!!!! BRA AND BAR... <Both have same letters of the alphabet <Both are drinking zones <Both have restricted times for opening and closing <But when opened,both make men crazy. CHEERS!

   Today I feel like hitting free like to everyone post. Common everyone post something!!! This offer is about to end soon

   I feel like pulling a Joan wilder and out drinking a Sot in Cartagena.... anybody? Chirp chirp chirp... crickets really?

   as my dad always told me when I did something wrong: I will kill you with the help of the thing that I used to make you with!

   There is a new movie out about the lives of White Trash people, but I've only seen the trailer.

   I just miss being able to slam it down when upset with someone. ..so they could hear it slam.

   The reason they named it the "Xbox One" is they knew that it would be the only way they would hear "Xbox Won" Might as well rename it the "Xbox Done"

   I really just want Morgan Freeman to read me bedtime stories.

   I'd play Monopoly but I am afraid of the commitment...