Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The next pay it forward status I see I'm going to respond Hopefully we barely know each other and they live really really far away. Take that stranger. I want cookies delivered to my door.

   -2-Face contact with this so called "Future-me" or it could have serious affects on the way of life as I know it now... "I knew I would own a Delorean one day... HIGH FIVE

   Did you know that "Go hang a salami, Doc! Note; I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod. I’m a lasagna hog." is a palindrome? You do now.

   Continuing to play the victim is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Blaming others for your situation in life will indeed make you a victim but the abuser will be your own self, not life or those around you.

   See you in tea ~ say it, slower, spell it

   What do you do if you are an atheist and your stuck behind a car that has a "HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS" bumber sticker?

   Aaron Hernandez's suicide just means 1 more Patriot wont be visiting the White House Today...

   Let’s pretend like we just went camping. When you wake up the next morning, you notice that your underwear is on backwards. Would you tell anyone about it? If your answer is no, do you want to go camping?

   I wonder if Tupac will make it to his movie premier??

   Can someone explain how Jaime fell off a horse in ankle deep water & then sank into the abyss? Thanks

   You can not take people's right away who want to take other people rights. You become as bad as them. We all have rights, even stupid people like the hate and anti hate group people.

   I wonder if Trump does all his tweeting while taking a dump on the toilet.

   Search YouTube for Bryan Lewis "I Think My Dog's A Dem0crat."

   My Wife Rachel like tall slim guys, and I like older & shorter women. Neither of one of us are what we thought our type was yet & still we're living happily ever after together. Our type has changed into what we see in each other.

   To end the Corvid how about we give those who don't really need $600 extra per week to go on vacation with so they stay home.

   Why am I sleeping on the couch? well lets put it this way she caught me talking on the phone last night and it was not Jake from State farm

   Maybe the Pandemic Shutdown of 2020 was organized by Keyser Soze

   Marriage tip #12: Remember to always leave a healthy amount of cups and trash laying around your house. That way your wife always has something to clean up. A busy wife is a happy wife.

   I won't be celebrating Halloween today. You know... where you dress up, pretend to be someone you're not, sing creepy songs about drinking blood, and invite a Spirit to meet you in the haunted house. Sounds too much like church to me.

   Heres how to make me cry: take a picture of two old people and write 'best friends' on it.