Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinking about seeing the movie Fright Night. It's filled with vampires, great jokes and hot girls in their underwear. Just like my mind

   Waterbording's more fun than a polygraph.

   dear portuguese easter bunny , dont hide to many eggs in my sweetbread because then there will be less sweetbread and I'll be pissed , thank you :)

   Cooking up some hasenpfeffer. Thanks Easter Bunny, bawk bawk.

   I feel lSH*T ...you know the way those people felt when The Dave Matthews band emptied their RV's septic tank

   What others perceive,what others think,what does that has to do with you? World's a game,why you should be playing by their rules

   Great, first MSN. Then freindster, now the spam has came to facebook. Just what everyone needs, a Social Networking page filled with bulls^!Ys!!!

   so someone just told me that, that isn't a water fountain in the bathroom it is something called a bidet, sure works well as a water fountain though

   a pant-busting crush on you.

   Of all the names for a cookie...who the hell came up with "Snickerdoodle"?

   If I deleted people from my home page, wouldn't it just make more sense to delete them completely?

   You failed me when I needed you the most... stupid cell phone!!

   I wish some1 would invent a pillow that has soap, deodorant, eggs, bacon, juice, my clothes & where I'm suppose to be already in it.

   Never Explain -- your Friends do not need it and your Enemies will not believe you anyway

   Stop the Madness!!!! haha If you're broke it doesn't matter where you like your purse!

   Fills betrayed. Found out the bass pro shop has been open in Nashville for a month and my wife has been throwing the mail fliers away

   Would like to copyright a Dark chestnut ribbon now! Not sure for what good cause yet but have to get in early we are running out of colors!

   I would text you back, but I have no signal.

   Have you ever had your tea iced? .. Your welcome

   once told that girls are like a good pair of shoes... you have to break them in!