Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Of all the names for a cookie...who the hell came up with "Snickerdoodle"?

   If I deleted people from my home page, wouldn't it just make more sense to delete them completely?

   You failed me when I needed you the most... stupid cell phone!!

   I wish some1 would invent a pillow that has soap, deodorant, eggs, bacon, juice, my clothes & where I'm suppose to be already in it.

   Never Explain -- your Friends do not need it and your Enemies will not believe you anyway

   Stop the Madness!!!! haha If you're broke it doesn't matter where you like your purse!

   Fills betrayed. Found out the bass pro shop has been open in Nashville for a month and my wife has been throwing the mail fliers away

   Would like to copyright a Dark chestnut ribbon now! Not sure for what good cause yet but have to get in early we are running out of colors!

   I would text you back, but I have no signal.

   Have you ever had your tea iced? .. Your welcome

   once told that girls are like a good pair of shoes... you have to break them in!

   the one that started today's Brett Favre is set to retire rumor and is watching the aftermath unfold. Haha..gotcha!!

   JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater is NOT NEWS!!! WTF

   When the sun goes down and the beer starts flowing...that's when the really good ideas come out!

   Three stages of marriage:1st Mad for each other, 2nd made for each other, 3rd mad because of each other.

   Just got my Sketcher shape-ups now I'm gonna get in shape without ever going to the gym

   Lorie Goodman ...Is having my own tribute to Dio by Cranking the music up and blowing my eardrums out for! MORIN!

   Eight deaths in one year at a Chinese phone manufacturing plant? There's an App for that.

   This is a full blown Four Alarm fishing season emergency here. All thats left is to press on and have the hap... hap... happiest fishing trip since Bing Crosby Tap danced with Danny Frikin Kay.

   You know since my son was never born, seein' as how i've never actually had consensual sex without money being involved, i've always considered you to be, well, something I could live next door to in accordance with State law