Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Oh my!! I just witnessed Napoleon Complex at its best. This guy in a lil' 4 cylinder Prius with a loud ass muffler just stole everyone's attention.

   I had so many great women in my life, yet I don't know where they're at... at least that's what I told the cops ;)

   Those opening ceremonies were so lame that...no to call it lame would be a compliment.

   Running up to him yelling, "I NEVER STOPPED BELIEVING!" is probably a good way to get Steve Perry to sh*t his pants.

   Facebook and now songpop keep telling me to find friends. It's pretty bad when a computer program is telling you that you have a pathetic life.

   Not enough rap songs out there stressing the importance of eating carbs before drinking champagne. So you can remember that h0e.

   The only time I can't hold my liquor is when I have a bong in one hand and a lighter in the other.

   I knew a girl in college here nickname was T-Ball - if you got up, you would never strike out.

   I wonder if they had put "Osama bin Laden gave his Life to Christ at a Early Age.." on his Obituary like they do other Criminals?

   It isn't considered littering if you throw your beer cans out the window after spotting the police. I call it disposal of evidence but the law calls it tempering with the evidence.

   Your girlfriend will blow you once she sees her sister do it.

   I love being envied and hated! Because no one envies the ugly and nobody hates the weak!

   Just watched a movie with my kids about a young girl that is transported to a surreal land where she kills the first person she meets. Then she meets up with 3 other strangers to kill again. The Wizard of Oz.

   Cinco De Mayo is just a remind a bunch of Mexicans kicked the French's behind in 1862!

   Even a bed of roses has thorns!

   I have feigned outrage over feigned outrage.

   Scientists have predicted that the human race will be no more in 10,000 years. All I think is that with what happened this afternoon in Woolwich - good!

   I get my kicks below the waistline, sunshine,,, because that's where my legs are, and I'm pretty sure you need those for kicking.

   I slept so hard last night the Geico caveman was under me when I woke up...

   My Bologna has a first name, but it ain't Oscar !