Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Pam Oliver looks like Oprah.

   Papa johns gonna make a killing either way when all the munches starts setting in!

   Seriously, does it really look like I want to see videos of so many losers on the Face!

   I think I'm going to take my christmas tree down today.

   So if I wasn't mesmerized enough by the leggings you were wearing that you should not have been, you top it off with icing lined lips from who knows what you ate. Well played fellow traveler. Crazy the things you see when you stop for gas and lunch.

   BTW,,,, Pinocchio's family tree is just a maple

   I am pretty excited for the newest season of "The Weather Radio" starring Steven Hawking

   I let a girl go through my phone recently, but then I threw her in my trunk.

   The best things in life can't be seen or touched. At least that's what this restraining order says.

   Sorry I fake yawned when you started talking.

   How long has it been since you were not fat? - a question you can not ask a job candidate, apparently

   sitting here watching "102 Dalmations" & I wonder if Lady Gaga got her fashion sense from Cruella De Vil

   i find it ironic that in "the smurfs 2" the stepdad explains to Neil Patrick Harris' character how he met his mother

   Mike Tyson old and frail enough to let him know the tattoo on his face looks stupid? No? Not yet? Hey Mike you rocked in the Hangover

   I'm not saying your p osts aren't hilarious. I'm just saying that I've seen most of them on little wooden signs hanging in my moms bathroom.

   RuPaul's idea of a "drag race" is totally different than mine.

   They think I have superiority complex; it's because I'm better than them.

   I wish there was a kick under table for people who share their embarrassing photos and staff on Internet.

   Why won't anyone in my trailer watch ET with me????

   Crime doesn't pay folks ...Oh! wait Whitey Bulger lives like Scarface his young life & Now he gets to stay in a nursing home completely free? Prison ...nursing home..>> same thing !