Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's too bad that everyone that has a solution for everything is at home commenting on the Internet.

   now knows why they say silence is the best answer for a fool....

   Alcohol is an Anti-inflammatory & raises good HDL Cholesterol, which helps ward off Dementia.

   says he is not the only one that yawns with a HE-MAN/Popeye pose at work; every guy does

   Make me good God, but not just yet.

   Okay everyone, with all the lovely things I have been purchasing on credit, please join me on Sunday May 22nd for a garage sale at 25% off. PLEASE!

   Once a good one is taken, one thinks they can do better and usually end up with les.

   opportunity always involves some risk..but didnt expect it to robb me..

   wondering why everytime I go to the store to buy some milk, I feel like I have bought the whold damn cow!!

   Disatisfied with the automatic submission system, I manually submitted you to the afterlife, ending your suffering and mine.

   Needs to get off my butt and get some cleaning done :/ Just the thought of it spoils my "HAPPY" mood. My husband always tells me he wants me happy, so I guess I will leave the cleaning alone.

   according today's date on my transforming robot quartz watch I am in fact not stuck in the 80s despite what others say.

   I had so much Peczki today that I can go to Mardi Gras for a Drink and see some girls on International Women Day, Show me your puppies I'll give you some Peczki!!!

   US Congress is looking to reduce budget deficit by combining national healthcare with the TSA. Head to your local airport next time you need an X-ray or cancer exam.

   You know what tomorrow is right? International have a good excuse to get way to wasted off of green beer day!

   Don't Mind Me Just Trying to Find the name on the back of your Girl Jeans

   You give me the kind of feeling people write novels about.

   There should be a temporary ignore function on cell phones.

   with your looks and my brains, we could totally win a sports radio trivia contest.

   The best things in life aren't free, they're 16 bucks a case and either 60 bucks at the cat house or the cost of room and board at home.