Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I had a passionate sexy romp under the covers this morning!..though I'm not too sure Wimbledon security were too thrilled about it? 
it bad that I want to mix cream liquor with my shakeology?
I signed up for ancestry.com. I wouldn't be surprised if me results come back as 100% Budweiser.
Ray = Zubin Dalal
"Ask her out, Bro." "I can't." "Why not?" "I don't have the guts." -conversation between two skeltons.
in order for ted cruz to clear his name for liking porn on twitter he should have to eat cake in front of everyone like that kid in matilda
Forgetting to close my tab at the bar isn't as costly as forgetting to close tabs on my computer at home.
People who say "I'm beside myself" are often mistaken.... with the notable exception of time travellers and Siamese twins.
Look out. The first song I heard today was Eye Of The Tiger. It scored my "looking for my car keys and wallet" montage.
It's too bad that everyone that has a solution for everything is at home commenting on the Internet.
now knows why they say silence is the best answer for a fool....
Alcohol is an Anti-inflammatory & raises good HDL Cholesterol, which helps ward off Dementia.
says he is not the only one that yawns with a HE-MAN/Popeye pose at work; every guy does
Make me good God, but not just yet.
Okay everyone, with all the lovely things I have been purchasing on credit, please join me on Sunday May 22nd for a garage sale at 25% off. PLEASE!
Once a good one is taken, one thinks they can do better and usually end up with les.
opportunity always involves some risk..but didnt expect it to robb me..
wondering why everytime I go to the store to buy some milk, I feel like I have bought the whold damn cow!!
Disatisfied with the automatic submission system, I manually submitted you to the afterlife, ending your suffering and mine.
Needs to get off my butt and get some cleaning done :/ Just the thought of it spoils my "HAPPY" mood. My husband always tells me he wants me happy, so I guess I will leave the cleaning alone. 