Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Think I need to take a break from Facebook as although it's been great being able to keep in contact with you all and I'll miss you I have to go inside to let my phone charge for about an hour.

   Seems like the pajama market on eBay is starting to get price gouged.

   I really hate when people constantly need reassurance. You know what I mean?

   ESPN is going to fast track its documentary glorifying Michael Jordan. I'll bet that'll be really good!

   I need this find a stay-at-home job. Hey Facebook you hiring?

   You know, with my cats seeming enjoyment for cleaning themselves I’m not sure why they don’t have a cat food called Kibbles & Butts

   The salons have been closed for so long nobody is posting selfies anymore. They're all posting avatars.

   The wife says the only hard things allowed in my house nowadays are boiled eggs, sudoku puzzles and the hats of the surprising number of construction workers who come by whilst I’m at work to quote for a new patio. Surprising, because we live in

   The proverbial saying 'Rome wasn't built in a day' suggests that a complex task or great achievement that shouldn't be rushed and is a great excuse for procrastinating.

   Uh, rah rah baseball people. Football season's begun. More You can stop now. Thanks.

   I know what you did last Friday the 13th.

   To help curve the Coronavirus I've only hung out with three of my Facebook friends all year, just like last year.

   I often wonder what would have been had John Lennon decided to stay home that night.

   IoT warning: my refrigerator just whispered to me my life would be better if I switch to satellite TV

   I see on Twitter that January 13 is National Rubber Duck Day. On Wikipedia I learned that this bill was signed into law by President Ford in 1975 after it barely squeaked through the senate.

   "Aww. You shouldn't have" is woman for "if you didn't, you better start praying"

   I lost money in the John Wayne toilet paper co. The T.P. was so ruff it wouldn't take sh*t off of anybody.

   First rule of Dad Club is hey are you paying attention here, you need to know how to change a tire, hand me a wrench not that one the other one.

   You are less likely to kill your family during a long car trip if you are playing Travel BINGO.

   "1-800-Yankees." - My reply when someone asks me to give them a phone number