Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   LIKE if you do this :: *Wrong password.* “OMG SOMEONE HAS HACKED ME! “Oh, it's on caps lock…

   Amanda Knox had killer home coming in Seatle.

   The kids of Gaza do recieve the media attention, when they act up, we spank them

   Marco Rubio was asked if he was too young to be president.. he said, "Yes, but the elections are almost 2 years away, I will be much older then."

   Former Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez found guilty of 1st degree murder. Where he's going, I wonder if he'll stick with tight end or switch to receiver?

   it normal to need to jack off after watching 5 minutes of Naked and Afraid? Asking for a friend.

   Sometimes I wish Tony Stewart would run me over....... #Hangover

   So what if Lesean McCoy tipped a waitress 20 cent. He gives defenses 4 quarters every game.

   I feel MUCH better today. I hate it when I get 24-hour Ebola!

   I just got a copy of Santa's naughty list and it is almost identical to my frields list.

   Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles

   if you've been in a relationship more than 5 years and have yet to get engaged, face it, you've been friendzoned by your boy/girlfriend. If the intention was there, it would have happened. If it's right there is no hesitation.

   Hi, I'm Amanda Knox for Olive Garden...if you can't actually visit Italy...

   Dis anybody no how to use gramar or speling on dis sight? wholly flick!

   Due to Tom Brady the Green Bay Packers are no longer the most hated team.

   The cause of the inferno at Jersey Shore has been determiined, Apparently Snookie Kardashian had mistaken rubbing alcohol for sex lube.

   ૅ.ે On a dark desert highway cool wind in my hair Warm smell of a wet fart rising up through the air ૅ.ે

   You can’t claim you eat ass yet skip the first slice of bread. It doesn’t work like that.

   Horse walks into a bar. Barkeep says "Hey. Why the long face?"

   Donald Trump's first name is Rafael Trump. Let that sink in.