Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   used to be famous, but moved away and changed her name because she had too many fans.

   no dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.

   Typical I buy 1 night stand from eBay & all I got was a bedside table...no dout they will be getting negative feedback!!!

   Yes, I'm coming to your party. Please introduce me to everyone before I get there, I don't want to have to explain my whole "deal."

   God put one arm around me today for love and protection and then your hand over my mouth...It's just gonna be one of those days!

   Dear Status, I'm not sure if I should keep (up)dating you any more. You've changed, and I'm not sure if I'll like it.

   Just saw an ambulance with paramedics in front of a psychic shop, I guess they didn't see that one coming!

   2015 Come on everybody let's party like a Cleveland Browns back up quarterback!!!

   Play Trivia Crack they said. It'll be fun they said... phukerz.

   Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop.

   Marys dragging me to some play tonight #bored #killme

   Thought I heard birds chirping and almost threw a lamp. It's not spring yet, sky rats.

   and, liking - you liked your own statuse by yourself- your own status is like high fiving yourself in public.

   Don't think I can't feel you removing my Crocs and jorts with your eyes, Phyllis?

   Who wants to see a picture of my toasted bagel with cream cheese. . .

   I never use my phone as a phone. Not because I don't like talking, I just never forgave them for all the times they kicked me off the internet.

   Last week, I had an update so bad,,, Nicolas Cage got cast in a movie about it.

   Your girlfriend brings all the boys to the yard because she always swallows.

   They can probably ditch the "Insane" part, as it's pretty much implied in the concept of a posse made entirely of clowns.

   The hardest part of breaking up is finding somewhere to dump the body.