Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Iron Man is now a black teenage girl?!?! Here's hoping she makes suits for her friends and family to protect them from the police.

   1f y0u c4n r34d 7H15 7h3n c0n6r47ul4710n5! Y0u h4v3 D3pr35510n

   I love the poorly educated. Laughter would be scarce without them.

   The 400 lb man, who demanded flight attendants to wipe his butt has died. Good riddance.

   Apparently, Russia has the best hookers. I know where i'm going on vacation now.

   Brace yourself for pumpkin his and pumpkin that bull$hit

   Before I was born, I was given a choice between a big di*k, or a good memory. I don't remember what one I chose.

   We don't appreciate all these redneck, inbreeding stereotypes. Ain't that right, Uncle Dad?

   Trump: I was surprised to see they have a picture of me at the art gallery. Pence: Sir, that was a mirrow.

   You win man.....your b!tch is bad....and so is her credit.

   Here is the line _____ do me a favor and don't cross it.

   YOU JUST PROVED IT! ADVERTISING DOES WORK! THIS SPACE FOR RENT AT AFFORDABLE PRICES!

   Just completed a 7km run... These darn coppers don't give up that easily any more..

   if you act like a douche i'm gonna call you "eve"

   Friendship between a fat person and a skinny person must always be viewed with the suspicion it deserves.

   just made love to Luisa Gronqvist in the middle of the street.

   Jimmy cracked cocaine, and suddenly everyone cared.

   Without Adele...this would be the worst Grammy's ever lol kinda like the Super Bowl Commercials this year without Clint Eastwood!!

   Putting sandbags around my toilet in preparation for tomorrow.

   What are the three most important items on a wood stove?? ........"Lifter, Legs and Poker"