Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Man you cant be old and have that blue 200 flush cleaner. I have blue ballz now cause they sag so low

   Touch your toes And touch your toes And wish you'd skipped those Oreo's.

   A Middle Eastern man bought a lot of stuff off the internet but never received it. Unfortunately he was E-gypt.

   put a clock in the freezer with the attempt to freeze time. Attempt FAILED! Ughh...

   Easter Bunny to her baby chic: "A magician pulled you out of a hat. Now stop asking questions!"

   24 beers in a case... 24 hours in a day... is that a coinsidence???

   What color does a smurf go when you choke it ?

   You know your ugly when you have more pictures of your family then yourself ' Haha

   We need Facebook Dummies Asap..Because Some OF Yall Say the Dumbest Shi...

   ʇɐ s,oɥ ǝɥʇ ǝɹǝɥʍ˙˙˙ uoıʇısod ʇɥƃıɹ ǝɥʇ uı ʍou ɯɐ ı' ʞo

   16-year-old Taylor Momsen says her best friend is her vibrator. In other news, Justin Bieber says he never goes anywhere without his buttplug.

   When you are a kid, it makes you proud when someone says "Wow! You’ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.

   Jesus is lord. Strangely enough he's also my coke dealer and gardener.

   Whitney Houston has been reunited with her daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown, hopefully together they can both rest in peace. ‪

   Best one liner in 2022 so far: "What a moron...Jesus Christ!".

   (All the lights by Osama bin laden)Everything is right, A hole in my head, Osama gone…that n-gga dead!Restraining order can't get over the boarder,Clinton, Bush, Obama hate me in that order.

   I wonder if the people that voted for Obama are the same people that voted for Sanjaya on American Idol?

   A man's home might be his castle, but his wife is usually the one who rules it.

   I hope Kate Middleton doesn't have a misscarriage or Elton John will write a song about it.

   Man put God in the mind and he ruined the whole brain since the first millenium.