Funny Status Messages and Tweets

just realised why my day has been full of people unable to express what they want, failing to consider anyone other than themselves and with unrealistic expectations. Happy International Women’s Day everyone.

←Rate | 03-08-2014 15:02 by @jajian Comments (0)

Note to self: Don't photobomb someone getting an MRI

←Rate | 03-20-2014 21:44 Comments (0)

My ex asked me to buy her a birthday present. I bought her a coffin to let her know she is dead to me.

←Rate | 03-30-2014 09:24 Comments (0)

Be generous with time! Use as much of it as you can by telling people to get the f cuk out of your face!

←Rate | 04-10-2014 07:10 Comments (0)

If you tell me you're gonna "hop in the shower," I'll picture you naked, hopping around in the shower like an idiot.

←Rate | 04-20-2014 23:02 by Doc Noland Comments (0)

Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed.

←Rate | 05-23-2014 21:42 by BEGO Comments (0)

You're like the abacus of people. No one counts on you anymore.

←Rate | 06-11-2014 00:35 Comments (0)

If you cry all the time, you will save money on a tear drop tattoo.

←Rate | 12-12-2014 01:17 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)

Consultants know 243 ways to make love and know no member of the opposite sex

←Rate | 01-15-2015 06:49 Comments (0)

don't worry when you see your ex with someone else, because your parents taught you to give your old toys to the less fortunate

←Rate | 03-04-2015 03:41 by Bibo Comments (0)

Went from fallin' in love to drunk and fallin' apart

←Rate | 03-14-2015 14:03 Comments (0)

and, liking - you liked your own status by yourself- your own status is like high fiving yourself in public.

←Rate | 04-10-2015 21:58 Comments (0)

all of mankind can be divided in two groups: morning people and those who want to kill morning people...guess for which one I'm cleaning and loading my gun!