Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
The best thing in this status is when you realized that it mean nothing and it's too late to stop reading... 
Two doctors are talking, one asks the other one "Can I borrow your Dictaphone" the other replied "No, you have to use your finger like everyone else!"
Life is like a baseball game. When you think a fastball is coming, You gotta be ready to hit the curve.
those acorns in my bag shrink when it gets cold.
I was about to put something very profound here, but I couldn't think of a thing...
You're either NEXUS or you're against us!
"Doctor, I think I'm a deck of cards!" The doctor says, "Sit in the waiting room, I'll deal with you later."
smoking probable cause :D
My new checks all have trampolines on them. Just so bill collectors know they may bounce!
don't call the RSPCA if your boyfriend sends you the text 'i want to kick your puppy'......he's just using predictive text
Why is it that every gal i'm in touch with these days is so sh*t fo brains??i mean, god,please,get 'Some'body with even half f it. . fine,make her ugly as hell but pls,'Some' brains atleast? beauty and brains don't go together at all,I know now. . . :/
A hurricane is the only way to wash away the pain
We've got to give a little love, have a little hope, make this world a little better.!
Ob-la-di, ob-la-da life goes on brah, La la how the life goes on
those sweet kind words you encraved in my mind, do me a favor and chocke on them.
Evidently once your mother leaves the house you jump on her computer and think your a comedian with the "once you....."
Have you seen the remix video of "Black and Yellow" featuring R. Kelly?
Okay, who put super glue in my K why Jelly Warming Sensation bottle?
"What's the difference between a hormone and a vitamin?" "You can't make a vitamin..."
True story: Apparently there is a bar/club called "G-spot" in my area. One night a girl came up to me downtown and asked me where the "G-spot" was located and I said I didn't know. Epic Fail 