Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Foursquare asks where I am. The internet has turned into a crazy girlfriend.

   I can't wait for the Amanda Knox extradition party. I hear it's gonna be a killer!

   I wonder if prostitutes from India tells their coustomers "Thank you cum again"?

   FACT: Growing a beard while sleeping is the only way a man can multitask

   wondering if the last one out could possibly switch off the light at the end of the tunnel?

   dont waste ur breth on me sweetie, ull have2 blow up ur date later.

   Men are like place mats. They only show up when there's food on the table.

   Wen you smile the world smiles with u.wen ur down people will rally behind u.but wen you fart you r alone coz people will never stand by u!

   I'm Starving....well obviously not in a third world kind of way.....

   PAUL the octopus is correct yet again!!! Spain are the crowned Champions!

   Humans will die out. We're weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy's

   Wonders if Prince Albert is aware of the piercing that is named after him?

   Attention all teens get off facebook nd look 4 a job nd stop waitin for facebook to get you one

   i don't always drink beer but when I do I prefer to get wasted

   is You do realixe that by taking the time to read this status update you have just waisted like 30 seconds of your life. Pressing the 'Like" button will make it 31.

   Went to store. A guy repeatedly screamed, "WOW, THATS A LOW PRICE!" I set him on fire. Now prices r even lower due to smoke damage

   Arizona is the only state in the US that does not observe daylight savings time or the 5th of May. (Cinco de Mayo) Today is May 4th part 2.

   The U.N. is trying to outlaw the use of lol since it is the international symbol for a drowning person.

   three strikes in Wii bowling I got a turkey :D Happy Thanksgiving Me.

   The American military now have so many warships that they're running out of patriotic and nostalgic names to call them. This culminates next month in the launch of the USS Fonzie."