Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if we all have underware we like and don't like why don't we throw away the ones we don't like and buy more of the ones we do like.

   Wanted to play a game called Everybody Hates X, but realized that nobody would play because everybody hates X

   1st day of 2010 and am thinking to my self 365 days of drinking to go, my liver is giving me a finger

   life is too short to be spent pondering eternity

   says they're giving up to $1000 for a human guinea pig at the University science dept!....(twitch)..I did it last time and I'm just fine......(twitch)

   decided to judge a book by it's cover.. because sometimes they turn out to be pretty good =)

   wondering if Shaq has my back, how come he never pays my cable bill?

   Dont say i'm a "law abiding citizen" to the deputy who pulled you over with katt williams

   Important Notice, if you notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing

   Just realized that with all this ice lately, technically I'm walking on water too, so take that Jesus!

   it's about time the majority of those people who opposed Marijuana have finally died. . .

   Miley Cyrus I'll with allergic reaction:-CNN.. CNN, dude.. who cares about her?

   important status announcement - bacon sandwiches

   if someone is bipolar & bisexual, are they a "quad"?

   ♫♫♫♫♫ The sounds of violence ♫♫♫♫♫

   My buddy only has one ball so when he sexts his GF he uses 4===D.

   Could someone introduce Beiber to Casey Kasem?

   I am hoping on game of thrones when Daenerys Targaryen's dragons get older they magically turn into Puff and it all goes cartoon.

   My dad gets drunk sometimes and tells my sister and I really hurtful things like “I wish I had a son”.

   Neighbor - n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.