Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   born in a system That doesn't give a f**k about you nor me nor the lies

   come to the conclusion that you don't BUY beer....you just rent it.

   learning life lesson number 68, don't fry bacon naked!...ouch

   Just realized how sad it is when people watch reality tv rather than going out and having a reality!

   wondering if what he is wondering is wonderful enough!

   ``I'd rather turn this club into a bar room brawl. Get as rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall.''

   what does Relationship Status "ITS COMPLICATED" really means...Does it mean a Single man with Broken Hand or a Married person not getting any sex and hand broken too.?...Somebody please EXPLAIN

   I'm going to invent the Facebook Status Flipbook. An animated screen capture collection. Met a new guy (flip), it's only been a week but I Love him (flip), week 2 and I hate him (flip), deleting Facebook (flip), I Love him again.

   I Love You like HELL!!! Its just that I don't want to DIE ;)

   Duran Duran have reworked one of their classic singles for the World Cup. It goes, 'His name is Rio and he watches from the stands...'

   Guess facebook is my woman because I wake up and say good morning and whats on my mind

   If they can come out with an app that can do your homework 4 you I swear...

   Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?

   Don't blow my snow man

   A dumb girl goes into pc world and asks for curtains the sales man says " you dont need curtains for a computer" she replys "but mine has windowss"..?

   The women I work with must have the most disgusting bathrooms at home for that kind of smell to emanate right outside the "Ladies Room".

   "Like"ing a comment is as good as a conversation terminator as "LOL".

   efore deciding whether you will stay up all night, you should sleep on it.

   Likes putting 1lb bags of M&M's in the Diabetic and Diet food asiles at the grocery store.

   Breaking News: Hero pigeon craps on A-Rod during 600th home run trot around the bases