Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   So April 7th is National Beer Day... I feel like I need to get "speaking in cursive" drunk.

   in the $2 shop the other day and the checkout girl called for a price check on an item without a price sticker !

   How you douche bags feel knowing you're disposable ?

   Still Cant Believe Were More Than Halfway Through This Year o:

   I get to curse like a sailor because my mommy drinks like one

   Why is it when you get chineses takeout they give you 147 packs of duck sauce but you damn near gotta beg for 3 soy sauce packs......80% of your menu needs soy sauce..even the duck platter

   Fatigues kind of like Scrubs but for killing people

   V-day trick: Put a "I belong to (your name)" keychain in a ring box from Kay's and give it to your girlfriend. She will love it!

   used to be a deep-sea diver but I quit because I couldn't stand the pressure

   when you ask a person "do you miss me" and they respond by saying "Do you miss me". that mean there answer is going to depen on what your answer is, smh people.

   Apparently Cheryl Cole must drop her accent for the X-Factor to succeed in America. I reckon the show would work better if she dropped her knickers instead.

   so is london bridge burning down yet

   I'm not the jealous type... Unless you stop being infatuated with me. Then I pull you back so I can start ignoring you again.

   Every time someone wishes me "Sweet Dreams", I wake up with high blood sugar.

   I am WANTED by Stalkers...I am NEEDED by Beggars...I am FAMOUS by Gossipers...I am POPULAR by Haters... But they are all..."NOTHING" to me.

   "I think Pimples should be Cool...because if you rearrange the letters, you get Le Pimp" -Katt Williams

   I suppose the Australians have never started a trend in real life, so why not just let them have their fun..

   I'm so horny, I could THINK off ...

   The karma of messing with a good girl is the h?e you end up with. This goes to all the players who think they are God's gift to women. Newsflash, you're not!!

   Stranger things have happened. Remember how Mary, Jesus's mother got pregnant without sex??