Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wonders if criminals are starting to catch on that there isn't a lot of crime fighting happening during LOST?

   I do not have the time to listen to you whine, you melodramatic fool!!

   falling off this rollercoaster of boredom and falling into the deep dardk depths of insanity. . .

   "While forbidden fruit is said to taste sweeter, remember, it usually spoils faster."

   Maybe its called Eclipse because they plan on playing a better movie over it, like Bob Villas rendition of how long it takes for paint to dry

   finally decided to Tie the Knot... the Four-in-Hand Necktie Knot - it's really the easiest to tie.

   If at first you don't succeed drink lots of Margaritas and blame that on your inadequacies.

   i used to get money.....actually I was just taking it

   I asked facebook in the help section what exactly is poke?facebook replyed me saying poke is a dirty animal

   i know so many people who wish they were computer geeks now...they pay really well too

   If a person smiles all the time, they're probably selling something that doesn't work.

   For my assignment to do a paper on Nihilism, I turned in a beige unruled blank page with my name on it. When I got a "C" I could FEEL the irony. Then I found out EVERYBODY got "C"s. Well played, professor.

   So umm.....Friday. I've been waiting for a while now wondering watcha waiting for?? Rebecca is not gonna introduce you every week now c'mon!

   I get so tired of the same old BS...can't I get a little BS variety?

   Girls 'round here have kissed so many frogs, they're starting to look like tadpoles. Attractive?! Probably to a water snake or a dragonfly!

   Uncle Luke is running for Mayor of Miami... (no punch line..its funny enough!)

   Rory's got a Tiger on his ass and he lookin like a Wildebeest!!

   imogen thomas been paid to do giggs in manchester she cant wait

   will never be able to enjoy a nice chianti again thanks to Hannibal Lechter. He totally fuched it up for me.

   None of the other vitamins compare to the first, fluffy, white one on the top.