Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Gimme back that Filet-O-Fish... Gimme that fish!

   The tragedy of the poor is that they can afford nothing but self-denial.

   NOTE TO MYSELF: "The security code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card."

   Dear a$$hole on your bike in front of me at the stop light; yes I can read your shirt, I'm so amused sincerely your wife!

   Seriously, If You Sent me A Mafia Wars Request again, I'm Gonna have War with You for Real..!!!

   i wonder if bus drivers stop at bus stops when they drive their own cars??

   went to a movie tonight with 18 blonds!!! they said because 18 and under was not allowed

   If you don't star the tweet you can't have any pudding... How can you have any pudding if you don't star the tweet!

   The only reason people hate Nickleback is because they HAVE heard them play. Nickleback's idea of rock is like Avril Lavign's idea of punk - or Will Smith's idea of rap.

   If only fans of celebrities, football, rock concerts etc would get as excited about racism, injustice, poverty, illegal wårs..man would be live in a better place

   I thought David Bowie died in 1836 at the Battle of the Alamo?

   I wonder if Michael Jackson doctor had anything to do with it

   Disappointed with the NFL's decision to suspen Peterson. I could see if he spanked someone else's kid, but his own?

   ► PlayTheMoments ▌▌ PauseTheMemories ■ StopThePain ◄◄ RewindTheHappiness.

   Renaming my wifi network to 'Police Surveillance Van #2'. That should keep the neighbors peeking out the windows toes for a while

   Men are good for two things and two things only... Going down on you and taking out the trash... And even then the only thing that seems to be done properly is taking out the trash

   Four years are almost up. Are we richer beyond belief yet? Are we moving on up? Are we getting that deluxe apartment in the sky? Did we finally get a piece of that pie? Uh huh, I thought so.

   With Christmas just around the corner, it's important to remember to never trust electronics buying advice from people who have Beats headphones.

   Was at a restaurant earlier and when I asked for the check the waitress said "Do you wanna box for your food?" and stunned as I was all I could say was "No ma'am, I'm against violence. Can I just pay with my card?" What is this world coming to?!

   right before I die I'm going to say " I left a million dollars in the.."