Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just realized me and Eminem could never be in a relationship cause I was be scared he would wanna tie me to the bed and set the house on fire!!

   **chokehold, spin, slam to the floor** Hello Wednesday!!

   in honor of the Chileans I will be having Chili for dinner:)

   the Real reason Hamid Karzai got handed his second term. That's right... I did it. :P

   Chocolate is the answer to EVERYTHING!

   if it weren't for Angels & Demons I never would of known that priests make excellent helicopter pilots and they even know how to skydive, go figure.

   just had a green beer to celebrate St. Patricks Day... just wish someone had told me that it had been sitting out since new years!!!

   Get Your FaceBook Outta MySpace.

   Mel Gibson beat me up and called me a cracker! Uhg!

   Didn't lock my car last night and there was a homeless guy asleep in it this morning.

   downloading all the audio from the Mel Gibson tapes and making ring tones out of them

   , Did you hear about the optometrist who had an accident at work? He slipped and fell into his lens-grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

   Just go ahead and sneeze cause my presence just blessed you

   Walmart where everyone can Enter through the EXIT door and exiting through an ENTER door!!

   ...Bob Barker says he made “Price Is Right” exciting & Drew Carey doesn't. After telling this to TMZ, he quietly soiled his diapers.

   Status Unavailable. Please Try Again Later.

   was surprised to receive a compliment about his VW Jetta today - especially at a Mazda/GM car dealership. The salesman said: "Well German engineering, you can't go wrong. I just can't believe they killed so many Jews. You have a Merry Christmas."

   - I just don't like the look of my hands.....That's why I always keep them at arms length.

   So I was just thinking, if fans of the Grateful dead are called deadheads, hulk hogan's fans are hulkamaniacs, those that mean Harry Potter fans are Potheads?

   What if STDs were spread through COPY and PASTE?!?