Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   in the famous words of Pepe Le Pew "Le Monday, you le suck!"

   rRjection is tough, I heard that your hand fell asleep on you last night

   Everyone has their obsession, consuming thoughts,consuming time

   That tv show 'The Mentalist' is nowhere near as good as the title suggests 

   I love photos because they never change EVEN when the person in it changes.

   Here's a drinking game for you; take a drink every time someone posts "happy new year" on your Facebook. Make sure you aren't driving after this game because you will likely have too many friends stating the obvious.

   doing the toothfairies fingernails, hey she wants to look good to on a budget

   Sometimes I like to send a text un purpose to the wrong person to see their reaction

   Heat Fans on Fire....... "Sorry, what you said honey? You screwing my neighbor....oh ok, I'll talk to you after the game!"

   Drfinition of 'vitamin'; What you do when a friend comes to your door.

   In honor of the #WikipediaBlackout to protest SOPA, I will also be blacking out tonight.

   A team of researchers have concluded the "G-spot" doesn't exist. Obviously they were looking in the wrong place....

   i thought about exercising all day long....I am sooo exhausted

   About to drink thermometer juice

   The only way I will ever occupy wall street is if I inherit money... not happenin'...

   Can't everybody just pool the money, buy the Barcelona team and share them out on a club-by-club, week-by-week basis?

   Thank you exes I am the way I am because of u

   wants to point out that it's not my fault that I never could learn to accept responsibility.

   Go a whole year without wearing weave so I know its real.

   I wish I had a deity co-pilot. I don't even have an emergency contact.