Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Taco Bell putting Fritos in there Burrito..... then Subway should stack chips in there subs .. am just saying

   BP stands for Beyond Petroleum, well, not anymore, BP stands now for Big Problem!

   Humidity = Bad hair day!! Thinking of shaving her head....Britney Spears style

   busy writing a note to self: DO NOT PUNCH IN THE FACE (AGAIN) the dude sitting in the next cubicle no matter how annoying his vacation tale is !!!

   getting a tattoo on my forhead of the word "Idiot", because it seems that everyone that I come across already thinks that I am. So I have decided to just put it out there for them so they don't waste anymore time in trying to figure it out.

   wonders if when the inventor of the bong came up with the idea, did a black light appear above his head?

   Listening to Jimmy Buffet all day is giving me some unproductive ideas that might get me fired.

   cooler than the other side of the pillow! :P

   If I see that "fuzzoodle" commercial one more time, I'm going to shoot my tv.

   Im down to funnel three 40's and talk some $hit!!!

   Just Got Dumped Because Her Boyfirend Said He Couldnt Put Up With Her Filthy Habbits, I nearly choked on my toe nail

   A sack of corn nuts and a good Vogue magazine. And I m just fine

   supports the whole Movember concept but thinks it should be changed to Manuary

   Was just informed that Turkeys cant fly. Thats messed up! All those times hunting and I was looking up!!

   Just brought his pet rock to the vet.

   Buy condoms or play with yourself ! World Aids Day 2010

   Darnit, my kufi doesn't match my dashiki. What on earth will I wear for Kwanzaa??

   First "The Drive" then "The Shot" now "The Decision". Cleveland is offically curse.

   got so drunk last night that he apprantly had sent a text to his friend saying "dude, partys great, but were runnin out of alcohol, so email me a pack of captain morgans, then head over."

   Things are always better when you get a pat on the Butt!!!!