Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just as I suspected! Monday suxs!!!!

   Don't waste sweetness on someone that is bitter.

   There are 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.

   Im on my FACEBREAK!!!! - definition - a week break from FACEBOOK

   will now destroy a little piece of everyone's childhood by pointing out that "The Banana Splits" were the ORIGINAL furries

   the sun can kiss the moon goodbye, a flower can kiss a butterfly, wine can kiss a frosted glass and you my friend can kiss my arse

   Never depend on someone or something to make you happy. For example, I was happy while eating the pizza but once it was finished I became sad and lonely.

   - You don't update your stat us much anymore. "I know" - Why? "I don't know" - Is everything alright? "Can't You Just Be Happy for Me!?"

   The police man in my area is so rude. So I'm speeding. What's the big deal? How I'm supposed to drive a stolen car?

   I saw an ad on craigslist today that said “free firewood,, you collect it”.. So I wrote the guy and said “Bud, you just wrote an ad for the woods”

   You know you had lack of sleep when you go to put a hot dog bun in the toaster instead of a bagel ..

   The Reality is: Nice and Decent is Boring. Girls want to be excited, thrilled, Led and still believe that their mate listens to them. Don't hate the players, work on your game.

   Tesco's veggie burgers are being tested for traces of unicorn.

   "I only took imaginary steroids." Lying Lance

   says that boot, iron and wheelbarrow were voted as bottom 3 Monopoly piece finalists and in an old fashioned game of rock-paper-scissors, wheelbarrow attempted to cart boot off, but in the end it was iron receiving the boot in a hotly contested match.

   Warning to my friends who don't eat sweet and fatty foods, don't drink coffee, don't stay up late: One of these days you'll lose friends. Everyone's dead except you

   I accept all kind of vice, except you, your the worst habit known to existence.

   The more broken you are, the stronger you'll be once you're fixed.

   If you use the phrase tig ol' bitties with any seriousness, I'm certain that your ancestors weren't happy with how the Civil War turned out.

   I guess someone hacked in and changed the format...