Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hey Japan whats shakin?, ..Too soon?

   10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash – Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.

   Welcome to your fifties, Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine and chicken noodle soup.

   What I love best about sex with a married woman is wiping myself off with her husband's clean underwear!

   I don't get Pitbull, he makes one decent song and then sings for 10 seconds in others and he makes millions of dollars? Wtf?

   Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake. Then this will be my last status update

   Oh sh*t, my computer uses U.S. English. I wanted to 'save' the document but accidentally blew it up.

   going around in circles

   Hey, Bon Jovi must be at least 3/4 of the way there by now.

   if I'm ever abducted by a group of hostile and they demand to meet my leader; I think I'll show them my wife

   thinks DJ AM should have been buried in the morning......just sayin'

   Whats the difference between a wife and a prostitute? One's on contract,the other's pay-as-you-go.

   I'm not a Dallas or Miami fan, could care less who won and the Lebron james jokes are stupid.....Kill Yourselves

   hmm still alive... either Sam and Dean stopped it, "Macho Man" called it off, or god is waiting on his crops in farmville...

   expierencing difficulties coping with the limbostic stages of his transitional existence.

   Why haven't we seen a photo of Rep. Weiner's backside? Can't have a wiener without a bun.......Right??

   when a woman ask "what did you say?", she heard it but she is giving you a 2nd change to say it right

   Hears that the youth in Asia are in mourning after the death of Dr Kevorkian

   WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.

   'm so afraid to tweet. What if ankle X-ray gets in hands of unintended recipient like dermatologist? Do I resign? And if so, from what?