Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
chugging scalding Hot Lava just to cool off.... 
No man has ever said to a woman, "Not tonight honey, I have a headache."
How much toilet paper does the average woman use???
"Don't worry, there's plenty more fish in the sea!" - Err, who the hell would want to date a fish? O.o
Pizza will you be my valentine?
if its called mario brothers why is one named luigi...
off to buy some new T-shirts. V necks are in at the moment. Or W necks if you are Siamese twins.
When someone say's "Let's do lunch", what they mean is "I don't care if I ever see your sorry azz again."
When I was a kid people used to cover me in cream and put a cherry on my head, it was tough being brought up in the gateau.
The only thing I know of that is beautiful & ugly at the same time is seeing one of my updates stolen. Oh, and Angelina Jolie taking a dump.
ive heard the old saying that "opportunity is just around the corner" but sometimes a hooker is around that corner so is the hooker your opportunity?
I like Cee Lo's "Forget You," but it doesn't compare to N.W.A.'s "Forget Tha Police"
Fat women stay buying bikinis...Walking around the beach looking like a biscuit wrapped in rubberbands
All my life I've blamed myself for having a weight problem. Turns out it was my mom's fault. It's not that she prepared fattening dishes, or made me eat a lot. It's just that instead of having an egg in her uterus, she had bacon.
Rest iPeace Steve Jobs
One woman's trash is another woman's son. One man's trash is another man's daughter.
You know these pagers they give you to let you know when you table's ready? They make great coasters when you steal them.
people who write songs as their status are creeps, they are weirdooooss, they don't know what the hell they're looking for, they don't belong here...
There can be sex with no relationship, but by god there can never be a relationship with no sex.
Do you know why they call it "PMS?" Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken. 