Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I know there is plenty of fish in the sea but I am looking for a mermaid.

   they're are moments in life. Moments when you know u've crossed bridge and your old life is over. I'm into action. I have arrived!

   Will and Jada splitting, 5.8 earthquake in DC, and now Hurricane Irene as a possible Cat 4 landfall this weekend??? Lord have mercy............

   Prostitutes are born when you give goodwill all your slutty clothes.

   Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft.

   I swear everytime I hear the new tempur pedic commercial all I can think of is "ask me about my weiner" from Accepted!!!

   So if 69 is... you know... is 99 planking?

   don't tell me what you did for a klondike bar, tell me what you did to get all those beads.

   I hate Glee... when I drive past stupid drivers with my hand in the shape of an "L" on my forehead, they just smile, give me a giant thumbs up and nod as I read their lips "I love Glee too!"meanwhile drifting bk and forth while driving 55 in the fast lane

   Looking forward to long car rides, So you can listen to your ipod for what feels like forever

   With gas prices headed towards $4.00/gal, I think its time to form an intergovernmental organization of oil consumers. We could call it the Organization of Fuel Using Countries, and tell OPEC if they keep it up they'll be hearing the screams from OFUC.

   time to take out the vibrator. Need my neck and shoulders to start feeling better. What did you think I was going to use it for?

   dont forget to party like Rebecca black tomorow

   so hungry i'm starin' at my candlestick hopin' he's come to life, sing me 'be our guest' n prepare me a dancing yummy feast !!

   thinking that it was not a good ideal to eat a glazed donut over my keyboard...

   Wikileaks latest release: Wikileaks latest release: Up-Up, Down-Down, Left-Right, Left-Right, B-A, START.

   you're like an open Facebook

   Since it's Presidents Day. I would like to honor President John Adams who travelled time and fought Robotic Dinosaurs in the year of our lord 2033.

   There is a wondrous tranquility being in a work restroom stall in an empty restroom. The song of evacuational freedom may ring unbridled and resonant.

   Antoine Dodson how'd you get arrested for marijuana possession? You are so dumb! you are really dumb, forreal.