Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whadda mean you don't have my reserved "World's Greatest Lover Don Juan Cassanova Halloween Outfit"???!!! ........ and NO... I don't want to be Tinkerbell ! :

   I'm excited for the one day of the year when green's meaning shifts from saving the environment to polluting our major organs

   January is my least favorite month. So...no Dr. Pepper chaser with the bourbon. Nuff said. New Years resolutions back in the drawer. Whew, I thought I was gonna have to do a third sit-up. Praise the Lord and hand me that ice bucket.

   I can still see my feet, so seconds is still allowed.

   believes that knowing when to say nothin' is not easily learned and impossible to teach......

   The Backstreet Boys are boycotting British Petroleum. I think I'll wait to see what the New Kids on the Block are going to do.

   One of the unsung signs of depression is throwing away fast food trash in your bathroom trashcan.

   There's probably no problem in the world that can't be resolved by a good ol' fashioned Facebook survey.

   taken what I can get.. But I am not settling for anything less than what I want..

   I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. --Vonnegut

   I refuse to let a woman make a fool out of me and I refuse to let any female take me out of my character.

   I'd keep playing. I don't think the heavy stuff will come down for a while. B

   heard that NASA astronauts are moving items today out of retiring shuttle Discovery, in hopes of getting their security deposit back.

   The Internet has passed newspapers for the first time as a news source for Americans. Of course, without newspapers the Internet is pretty much Facebook and Twitter.

   if you like to plank you're a w*nk

   America has Talent..but a little weak on the selection process for Jurors in Florida

   I'm convinced some of the news editors are getting a kick out of the weiner headlines: Anthony Weiner to resign: The congressman's rise and fall... (NY Daily News)

   storming the Castle Anthrax all alone and doesn't want any back up!

   in a bar the other day. "make me a zombie", "god beat me to this" said the barkeeper

   Watson, the super computer, on Jepordy! What's next, Johhny No. 5 on "The Dating Game"?