Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
The best thing about Daylight Savings Time is it shortens the current Presidental term by one hour. 
One of those protesting coons home gets broken into and I bet they call the Po Po!!
knows whats the diference between a wife and a girlfriend..? Its about $200.
Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML
When an old lady pokes you at a wedding and says "you're next"....just do the same to them at a funeral.
I want 2 die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather!! Not screaming in terror like his passengers!:)
single women are like dog turds the older they get the easy they are to pick up
You know its time to cut your finger nails, when your scrathing your balls and they start bleeding.
wonders why other peoples dumps smell worse then your own.
Once again I will Watching football this season the same way Colin Kaepernick does... sitting on my couch
What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken.
Nice idea Mr Equality-For-All, but before we start those funds can we first make the Caucasians slaves for a couple of centuries and make them fight for their freedom and rights? Its only fair!
How can Trump have the nerve to take credit for inheriting the strong economy from Barack Obama. He haven't enacted his own budget.
The best part about shopping at Trader Joes is that the cashier reacts to every item they scan like you came up with it and grew it yourself
Paula Deen is very pleased that the USSC is allowing f@gs to get married.....especially the coloured ones
wishing people would stop sending me crap! I have enough stuff to do
Steve Irwin should have used sunscreen.... it protects from harmful rays
an expert on padded cells
I don’t trust banks anymore. I’m taking all my money out. I can’t trust them with all $23.56.
If you love a socialite set them free, if they come back to you be careful as they might have been Coronavirus. 