Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A celebratory beer after winning the gold - $1. While you're at it, might as well have a cigar - $3. The Canadian women looking like fools, especially with all the problems caused because of Canada hosting the Olympic games - priceless.

   I could post the funniest status ever and I'll still get at least one dislike. Hi hater!

   once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die

   This over empathy for marathon runners should also b present when other countries r blasted. REMEMBER THAT!

   Apparently, only God can whack Tony Soprano.

   The church squeezes money out of the people by promising them happiness in the next life if they accept misery and exploitation this one.

   IF god exists, why is he supporting the government?

   Smoke Weed Every Day. Legalize it! Don't drink and drive, smoke and fly.

   True Christian values below. Wish death to everyone who disagrees with you. No wonder you people think Trump is holier than the Pope.

   If you’re reading this, un-banana your spine.

   Saw an old man dancing in the street, and couldn’t help but wonder if he had finally paid off his student loan.

   Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.

   Glad to see the vaccine has been released today in the US and it's not made by the Clorox cleaning company.

   panicked thinking -- did I leave the fireplace video running?

   For the family portrait theme this year, it's just the four us staring into our electronic devices

   I was told I would understand when I got older. Well, I'm older and still don't understand...

   Wow, that was embarrassing. I tried to non-chalantly touch one of Ivanka's breasts and ended up holding hands with the President.

   Before any President of America visits any foreign country, he relies on CIA intel for his security while abroad. I am not trying to put any ideas in CIA people's head but...

   remember the days when Blackberry and Apple were just names of fruit?

   Cookie Monster: People ask me what me favorite kind of cookie, but me no can choose! Me equal opportunity eater.