Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The Internet? Is that thing still around? - Homer Simpson

   for anyone thats interested I'm watching tv and deciding if I should get up and go for a wee

   The NFL lockout is over!! Great timing, since women's soccer is now over. I can never decide which to watch!

   When wife says, "We need to talk". That only means that she will talk and the Husband will Choke

   I wouldn't say that she is a hoe, just that she makes hoe decisions

   Read a chat while on the phone is not a good idea..."How you feeling?"..."I'm feeling wet"...

   Dumb ass week: If you know a dumb ass that has made you want to slap them every time you read there post, repost in your status!!!

   tappin in the sugar bush this weekend...if ya know what I mean. ;0)

   Judge me all you want..But don't think I'll give a damn.

   I didn't ditch you for the couch... I was already on my couch!! That means I would've been ditching my couch for you!

   o.k., really........gas $3.53gal., OPEC, the least you could do is give me a reach around at the pump....just sayin!!!

   What's the difference between nectarines and peaches? Nectarines don't trade on their daddy's name to get on the TV.

   sometimes does the Jedi Wave at automatic doors, just to feel better.

   What is the most spontaneous thing you plan on doing?

   not everything is better on weed. Most things are, not everything.

   The awkward moment when you realize your whole life has been a lie this whole time

   My pillow is about to get some head......NAPTIME!!! ;)

   Not all MODELS are necessarily sexy and attractive enough to shag

   wondering, would It be fun if we started calling gynecologists, "tw@t dentists".

   Happy Couple = She does what she wants & He does what she wants.