Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some goals in life require you to try and make everyone happy and forces you to be fake.......... Ain't that right @Obama and @Oprah

   put the wrong socks on the wrong feet this morning.

   MARRIED: STOP, ok, on my list of things to do in life, getting married is LAST, right after suicide!!!

   In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and says, 'Curry OK?' I said, 'Go on then, just one song then bugger off'

   having delusions of adequacy

   You mean the high prices of gas and groceries which is happening all over the world because of a pandemic? Grow up and accept that Trump lost fair and square.

   All women over 40 have garlic breath.

   Hotels are keeping the shower cap industry afloat.

   Tsunami? Wild Fires? Tornadoes? Hurricanes? Earthquakes......God doesnt like a red states!

   Owning a Blackberry is saying that you can afford a nice cell phone, but not quite wealthy enough for an Android/smart phone.

   not actually a Jedi and apoligies for scarying the children.

   Thank You Santa for helping make Christianity less believable than it already was

   A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

   Honey I Shrunk The Kids And The Dog Has Worms So I Put The Kids In His Bum And Gave Them Knives To Go Worm Hunting

   ♪ ılıll|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|̲̅̅=̲̅̅|̲̅̅●̲̅̅|llılı ♪ + OUT, with your, B===D + OUT!

   If you're paddling upstream in a canoe at 56 liters per day, and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!! :D

   I lost my Viagara down the toilet....Now I have hard water!

   Nuevo censo fuera dice que 1 de 6 estadounidenses son hispanos. Me parece un poco difícil de creer. Feliz el jueves todos!

   Soo, I decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!

   Dental appointment tomorrow... Before going, I like to eat taffy, oreos, & pumpkin seeds. It’s makes me feel like I’m getting my money’s worth.