Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Soo busy today but I FINALLY got a chance to sit down for a minute..... too bad i'm still at work and the place I'm sitting is on the toilet :/ 
Why do I know all the words to Cher's Shoop Shoop song? And why is it impossible to look cool when you get caught singing it in traffic
I just found out that the life insurance policy I put on Osama Bin Laden is invalid..... Damn!
The wife and I to spice things up have been getting into S&M. But it can be dangerous so you have to have a safety word. Mine is "bor....ing"
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak
Plan A doesn't work in your love life, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
Hie! do you want to dance? Ok, go and dance while I talk to your cute friend here.
evEr nitoced how hwrd it is to tpye wiht yuor left hnd whsilt you are wnaking?
So, I just txt'd my mom that the baby might have a black eye tomorrow. Her response? "What does the other baby look like?"
The one good thing about the English weather...if you don't like it - wait a minute..x
GLEE is so gay, Adam Lambert and Clay Aiken have staged a boycott!!!
wishing he had a million dollars so he could buy you a fur coat, but not a real fur coat . that would cruel.
Do you believe in magic? Yes? Want to go up to my room and make some?
ok....am I the only one that sings "Come on Irene" laughs then knows I shouldnt?
Why people comment on Pics saying sht like: I like this... thats why the "Like" button is there.
when the room gets quiet I say things like "im a bannana":)
has found my age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
When George Washington got carded he just pulled out a quarter.
Well, just got home from work.....it seems davey jones died....at first I didn't believe it....but then I saw his face, and now I'm a believer. O_o
My wife says I'm "Immature"... just because I snuck up behind her when she was reading her "Romance" novel and made kissing sounds..... 