Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I love riding my red Mustang into work,,, but I am tired of people complaining about horse crap in the parking lot.

   Office crime is real people! I was just held up at PowerPoint.

   God made cousins so that parents can compare our marks.

   Lord, please forgive these gas prices, for they know not what they do to my pockets...

   Even the Fonz couldn't look cool chasing a ping pong ball.

   I don't really hit women, I'm English, I get my butler to do it.

   I’m going to change my name to Benefits. Now when you add me on Facebook it will say, you are now friends with benefits.

   well the Oscars this year were dominated by the movie Pi....next year, I demand they make a movie named bacon....

   The Defense in this women's football team looks like it has a lot of holes to fill.

   The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

   Grammar: The difference between knowing your s&it and knowing you’re s&it.

   Relationship status ☐ Seeing someone ☐ Not seeing anyone ☐ Your mother is a wh*re ☑ SHUT THE F&CK UP, I'M WATCHING THE BATMAN TRILOGY!

   My girlfriend says she plans to have sex tonight. I sure hope I'm invited.

   Wait now. It's OK to show g a why couples kissing but not a beautiful woman. That's BS!

   The Washington Redskins are temporarily changing their name to the "Washington Football Team", or in other words "WTF".

   Stay tuned for Cardi B's next big hit: "MIPWYTTSI"... (My Itchy Pu$$y Wants Your Tongue To Scratch It.)

   What a great Halloween. Thanks for giving us the night off Covid!

   If you don't make it in Hip Hop, there's always IHOP.

   If there is such a thing as reincarnation, please let me come back as anything but a middle-aged woman upset over guys who dump her after 3 days.

   Wonder Woman an icon representing male objectification or female empowerment?