Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ------------is clearly convinced life is practically all about reading ------------------

   You can negotiate with a terrorist, not with a redhead.

   You're never more indignant in life than when you're shopping in a store that you feel is beneath you and one of the other customers mistakes you for an employee of that store.

   Family and friends know the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you've forgotten the words.

   theres so much more room for activites!!!

   just kicked off of public transportation

   Whoever invented calories is gonna get their face f***ed with ice cream cake.. .

   Hopeless you say !!! Nah, don't give up, some people live an entire life on hope....and guess what ?? They living fine.... :)

   Do you go down on the first date?.....oh wait this isn't Zoosk.

   I'm wondering which is worse; the fact i'm is talking to the toaster or the fact that the toaster is talking back

   APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.

   the first rule of Sam's Club is that you will not admit that you were stupid enough to go there on Black Friday

   only in Texas, this time of the year, does the weather change so drastically that you are put in a situation where the downstairs a/c makes the upstairs heater come on...

   The saxophone still hasn't been brought to justice for everything it did in the 1980s.

   Every top 10 list I've ever seen has at least two entries that are clearly better than number 1... especially when it comes to the preseason College Football poles.

   Ask the married guys is it worth the fn youve gotten for the fn your getting

   I really enjoy that new real-life TV show about the guy who spends his whole day surfing the internet at work while trying to look busy in front of his boss. Oh wait, that's just my average day.

   's age is very inconsistent, I wouldn't be surprised if it changed again next year.

   When the infidels came and put him down, MuhamedBob turned into a clown, now no afterlife virgin will want to dance with the fool who went and, burned his pants

   just read a sign on the highway that says "Observe Warning signs! State Law". if you don't observe warning signs, you wont see it. Just curious....WHAT IS THE POINT!?!