Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just once I'd like to go into a bar bathroom and under the "For a good time call-" written under it: B- ..4 out of 5 stars, would call again

   He hate hangovers..I mean the drinking part is awesome though.

   25% off this thursday

   To ensure perfect aim, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

   putting the lotion on its skin, before it gets the hose again.

   reminds you that freedom isn't free. I had to pay $20 for some guy to get me out of my driveway.

   not fighting his way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

   A gas station is a place where you sometimes fill the car, but more often drain the kids

   you are part of my 99 problems.

   just enrolled in Lost University

   even though it's so wrong, no one else can do you so right

   searching on google for her lost sweater

   i would like hippes to realize that it is NOT "all good."

   Will too much skin lightening cream turn you invisible?

   When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Then start swinging. Make it hard for them to hit a moving target.

   voices!!!! screamin in my head dont lead the path that I tread!

   Some people should shove sticks up their a*ses like lollipops cause they are nothing but f**king suckers!

   You can get your appetite elsewhere, as long as you eat at home.

   Blackouts are God's way of saying, "WTF, even I don't want to remember last night!"

   Sober is the new BUZZ!!