Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A woman is not an object, do not treat it like one!!

   How to Find the Leaker in 4 Steps: 1) Close your eyes 2) Stand in front of a mirror 3) Open your eyes 4) There’s your leaker!

   Hear those bangs and explosions? That’s the sound of freedom. That’s America! Let’s not deny others this opportunity.

   Boycott Walmart: I’m starting to think that Make America Great Again is not cut out for capitalism.

   I just saw Luke Bryan is singing the National Anthem at the Superbowl. So I thought I'd post a preview for everyone....Oh Girl can you see by my pickup's headlights what so proudly we hail on the old dirt road ...

   In 1963, Democrat George Wallace blocked the door to a school to prevent two Black Republicans from entering. I guess Republican is the new b lack ... Just ask Devos

   I knew Trump would declare war pretty soon into his Presidency but I didn't think we'd be so lucky he'd declare war on the "Freedom" Caucus.

   How was the winter solstice? I missed it because the stores were out of solstice glasses

   The government is not paying scientist to come up with fake scientific information for the fun of it. They don't want to misinform the world just because it's funny to do.

   Melania Trump denies breaking immigration laws, claims she was born in Chicago and graduated from Princeton.

   Ann Coulter only flies Southwest, because "bags fly free".

   just saw a commercial for cat litter that is so good, it claims it is "double duty" acting... I think they should have spelled it "double DOODIE"!

   Sometimes I wish the Wizard of Oz was real. I know people that could benefit from a trip to see him. Downside would be flying monkeys flinging poo. I haven't figured out all the Pros v Cons, but I'm leaning towards flying sh!t bombs. I hate stupid people.

   making an army of snowmen to defend my snowfort from the likes of you.

   Bowling naked is fun! Course it helps to have to have an empty nest and a Wii;-)

   itunes wants more updates on a daily bases than a woman wants attention

   When people text or typ "ROTFLMFAO" do you really think they are rolling of the floor laughing? If so how are they typing that status?

   Cell phones are great but I wish people would select better ringtones than, "Ring, ding, dong, Ringer, Ringer, Ding, Ding, Dong..."WTF???

   I am a really nice guy. You know why? Because a woman stays in my mind, lives in my heart, and I've never asked her for the rent.

   what you would call an "Anit-Hero"