Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   You had me at "Hello"... But you lost me when you kept talking.

   I just want to be with someone who isn't crazy but unfortunately I'm only attracted to women.

   Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.

   CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he's called "beautiful" on Facebook today.

   Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.

   The amount of stuff coming out of this woman's handbag as she searched for her keys, I wouldn't be surprised if that missing Malaysian plane is in there too.

   I'm pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.

   Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.

   My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.

   Just seen a picture of Rihanna fully dressed. Man these hackers don't sleep.

   Doctor says I'm morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.

   She says she is surprised to see me but her drawn eyebrows tell a different story.

   Sure, I'll go to your open bar and watch you get married.

   It's like my kids don't even believe how cool I was in the 90s.

   I didn't know how badly we're losing the war on stupidity til I joined Facebook.

   The most interesting thing about me is my lack of interest.

   We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.

   I like to play this game called nap roulette...It's where I take a nap but don't set an alarm. Will it be a 30 min nap? Will it be a 4 hour nap? Will I wake up tomorrow? Nobody knows. But it's risky. And I like it

   I’m small but influential. Like bacteria or Tom Cruise.

   wife: Why did you drink all the rum? me: I lost the cap