nunthewizr Funny Status Messages
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If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn't have couches at this Best Buy
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Hey Muslims, if you want 72 virgins just go to your local cinema today for a Twilight showing and you'll have plenty to choose from.
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The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
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The saddest part about my neighbor demanding I not serve booze to her kids is finding out they're not cool dwarfs who like to party.
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I wouldn't say that I'm really a bad dancer more like....overly Caucasian.
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45% of the internet is pornography. 55% of the internet is lame.
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she serious with that outfit? Why doesn't she just paste a "For Sale" sign across her chest?
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If you're wondering at what point I stopped caring, it was pretty much when you said, "Hi, my name is _________."
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OMG!!! I am so f'd up...I drank so much last night..i woke up in my own vomit! Party!....woohoo!..I just chugged more vodka to cure the hangover!.....(this didn't happen, just wanted to fit in in Facebook).
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Ever see someone in a hurry and they do that last little mad dash to their final destination? How much time does that save.....2.3 seconds?
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Diet tip: If you fatten up everyone around you, you will look thinner.
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The Skort: skirt in the front, shorts in the back; it's like a mullet for your butt!!
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Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
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Man is it cold outside...just want to give a shout out to whoever invented the padded bra...THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!
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Saw a lady at Walmart wearing those "shape up" shoes. Thought to myself, "Honey....there ain't no shaping that thing up."
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Took my Beanie Baby collection to a Pawn Shop today. Really thought they'd be worth a lot more. Back in the safe they go.
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Saw a guy return a wedding set at Walmart today and get his $36 back. I'm guessing her answer was, "No."
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Really struggling on what to get my girlfriend for Valentines Day. I mean, I'd hate to get her the same thing as her Husband does. That would be embarassing.
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The only reason I want the Bears to win today is so that I can watch them lose in the Super Bowl.
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Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that's how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
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