Eddy Funny Status Messages

   I put the Nicoderm patch on my exhaust pipe & it still smokes. I don't think those work as good as they claim

   pi day & hump day....it must be "Jason Biggs day"

   if the brown delivery truck is UPS,why doesnt FEDEX change their name to DOWNS since they are their opposing company?

   I bet now Martin Shkreli wish he had that anti-parasite medicine

   I don't like WcDonald's....I prefer Mendy's

   if I pay Netflix each month & choose to watch Star Trek, am I paying a DATA plan?

   I see house flies in the house...horse flies near horses...so why do I never see dragon flies on episodes of Game of Thrones?

   idk why the amazon CEO doesn't cal l himself the "Amazon Prime Minister"

   In honor of the super bowl, whenever I go to poop today, i'll refer to it as "taking the browns to the super bowl"

   when idiots do the "Tide pod challenge" & a friend records it, are they POD casting?

   those people in the office with the rolling cart full of everyone's mail....they really push the envelope

   since twitter doubled the length of tweets, does that mean now I double the name? I'm gonna go post a tweet tweet

   this is a good time to buy the Halloween candy. it makes great stocking stuffers

   I wonder if Harvey Weinstein & Bill Cosby sit around swapping stories

   Lasik surgery is at least $500 to just fix an eye....on wheel of fortune I can buy the I for half that price

   leave it to Hugh Hefner to die on hump day

   It looks like everyone wants Jon Snow to play NFL...he wont bend a knee

   I thought Hurricane Harvey was the miss Universe thing

   With the way humanity follows directions, I look for a lot of people to need a seeing eye dog soon

   with all these statues getting removed, I'm worried now about asking "the general" about car insurance