flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon People will stop making small talk with you if you simply wear clown makeup whenever you're out in public.
←Rate | 12-11-2012 06:27 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter what amazing things you accomplish or how fantastic you are, a cat will always think it is better than you.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 05:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did any bad guy in Scooby Doo actually commit a crime? I'm pretty sure wearing a silly mask and scaring people isn't illegal.
←Rate | 03-16-2011 05:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out
←Rate | 05-03-2011 12:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I joke a lot, but in reality nothing can stop me from reaching my goals, except for shiny distractions or moderate discomfort.
←Rate | 06-30-2011 06:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't remember if the toilet water was blue or not before I sat down, so there's a chance I'm magical.
←Rate | 09-21-2011 20:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon No I didn't watch the VMA. I was unaware MTV EVEN showed music videos anymore
←Rate | 08-29-2011 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey skinny guy having a Greek yogurt and Vitamin Water for lunch. I'd come punch you in the face but I don't want my fries to get cold
←Rate | 04-07-2012 08:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can listen to Phil Collins "In the air tonight" and not play the air drums, then you my friend have no soul!
←Rate | 06-20-2011 06:01 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just can't stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to "stay cool"
←Rate | 04-16-2013 06:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anyone ever texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from state farm"
←Rate | 05-22-2013 06:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Car commercials make driving around in empty parking garages look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 05:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Is that your dog?" "No, actually she's adopted... we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves"
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just told my dog "Don't walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don't.
←Rate | 02-15-2014 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Harvard study reveals that's not what she said.
←Rate | 02-09-2013 06:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes, you are entitled to your opinion. Why you insist on being wrong is beyond me, but go nuts with it.
←Rate | 05-23-2012 09:35 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congress has an approval rating of 13% you should know Naked cannibals on Bath Salts are at 18%.
←Rate | 06-09-2012 00:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what makes me mad? The fact that I know who Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are.
←Rate | 06-09-2012 06:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon i'm really good at walking along, minding my own business and then having something happen
←Rate | 06-28-2012 07:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I alternate between cautious optimism and reckless pessimism.
←Rate | 02-02-2012 04:45 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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