Nipper Funny Status Messages

   I like to think of bathwater as ”Me tea.”

   It takes Axl Rose approximately 12 minutes to sing 2 verses of "Head, Shoulders, na-na-na-na-na-na-Knees and Toes."

   Lazy is as lazy doesn't.

   Not sure if my doctor is a righty or a lefty but I'm pretty sure he shouldn't have had both on my shoulders during that prostate exam.

   The campaign to stop male rappers disrespecting women is known as 'Femineminism'.

   My life's not always.. 'Fun and games' Sometimes it's too much whiskey annnd... Oops.. Wrong hole!

   Welcome to Celebrity Impersonators Club. Please have a seat. There's plenty of Chers.

   My therapist said I should tap more into my creative side, so I just made a hash pipe using a Kiwi and a ball point pen.

   I took my sister to a NASCAR rase and all I got was this lousy son/nephew.

   Welcome to laser noises club. Please take a pew, pew....pew!

   I just switched on Airplane mode on my phone. Fecking Russians launched missiles at it.

   My ass cheeks are so tight, when I fart only my dog can hear it.

   I wish everyone a happy new year, and hope you all have a great 1982. With love, from everyone here at the alzheimers society.

   A flying insect just flew into my kitchen and exploded. I think it was a Jihaddy long legs.

   For future reference, farmers get super pissed if you sneak onto their property & chase their livestock with a Taser. It’s been a good day.

   I tried taking up the guitar recently to impress girls but they were disgusted when I could only get the neck in.

   At air shows in Japan, they have to get new pilots every year.

   I think I am safe if I commit a crime that goes to trial cause no way they'll find 12 people to sit on a jury as my peers

   Spice things up during family dinners this holiday season by slamming your wine glass down and demanding "What do you people want from me!?"

   When eating her from behind you know you're doing it correctly if her bhole pinches your nose closed.