@clarkysj Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon wondering why baby outfits have pockets? You can just imagine your 8 month old saying "yep fag's, phone, i-pod, keys ... ready to go."
←Rate | 08-07-2010 15:09 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Syria: Riots stop when authorities use tanks. Italy: Riots stop as police fire rubber bullets. Greece: End to riots as police deploy water cannon and tear gas. England: Riots stop... because it's raining. Makes one proud to be British.
←Rate | 08-11-2011 15:42 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've just seen an advert for a cruise offering "ocean views". That's a shame, I wanted to stare at the f-kin engine for a week!
←Rate | 10-12-2011 14:13 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw a sign earlier that said 'Watch Batteries Fitted Here'. I couldn't see the entertainment in it myself.
←Rate | 02-04-2011 09:16 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't stand those people who hate football but still go along to games to deliberately cause trouble and ruin them for everybody else. Bloody referees.
←Rate | 03-10-2011 19:57 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last night I tried to go out for an Italian meal, but there was a large, fat lady standing in the doorway. I couldn't get pasta.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 07:07 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My friend says my jokes don't make any sense and the punchlines are too obscure. Which is quite funny really when you consider his uncle used to grow his own onions.
←Rate | 11-12-2010 13:33 by @clarkysj Comments (2)  

   messageicon Put a woman in a car and she drives like she's the only one on the road and crashes into everything - Put her on the bumper cars at a theme park and she drives cautiously around the outside and avoids hitting anything.
←Rate | 06-13-2011 05:48 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mate said he sells drugs to fat people - I guess that sounds more macho than admitting he works at McDonald's.
←Rate | 12-06-2011 10:22 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon just seen Roy Hodgson speeding down the motorway at 140mph, with a splif in one hand a can of Carlsberg in the other. This fella will do anything for 3 points!!
←Rate | 10-05-2010 08:28 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I see they have blocked the Internet in Egypt. No more online pyramid schemes then?
←Rate | 01-30-2011 12:01 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember, a doggie isn't just for Christmas... it's a f-kin good position all year round!
←Rate | 11-05-2010 14:28 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was in Wimbledon the other day and was talking to this guy and he said he was a ball boy. I told him I'm more of a breast man myself.
←Rate | 03-10-2011 19:58 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon NEWS: Lady Gaga to do naked skydive for charity. You've got to admire her balls.
←Rate | 02-17-2011 06:11 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon BBC News: "Britons are the worst binge drinkers in Europe." - I'm sorry but I think you'll find we're actually the best.
←Rate | 05-21-2011 07:00 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, I see they have a gypsy in the new Big Brother house. Good luck trying to evict that!
←Rate | 08-19-2011 05:31 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon I bought a book entitled, 'An idiot's guide to saving money'. It was only £39.99.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 13:58 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon My mate just texted me saying, "I wanna read a book. what wud you recommend?" "The Oxford English Dictionary" I replied.
←Rate | 01-17-2012 16:12 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

   messageicon Female drivers: The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street.
←Rate | 11-12-2010 13:34 by @clarkysj Comments (2)  

   messageicon My wife said I'm an idiot who can't do the simplest of things right. So I packed her bags and left.
←Rate | 06-17-2011 09:04 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  

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