Moon Funny Status Messages

   "No, I just carry it around to look cool" was my reply after being asked "Do you play?" in regards to the guitar on my back.

   Like this status if you're the type of person who likes to carry all your groceries into your house in one trip, but then realize at the front door you have so many bags in your hands you can't get the keys out of pocket.

   I'm so old I remember when people the only people who took something off your porch were called milkmen.

   The scariest words a man can ever hear from a woman are "Notice anything different?"

   Just once in my life I'd love to make just the perfect amount of spaghetti for myself. Anyways, if you're hungry come on over. And bring like five friends.

   Shoutout to the guy driving the BMW who gave me the finger after I honked at you. Your cell phone's on top of your car!

   If you think you can win me over with just food music and a pretty face your damn right!

   Where did we go wrong when in 1969 we could send a man all the way to the Moon and be in perfect contact with them, when in 2019 I cant walking to the next room without losing your cell phone signal.

   I just want to be as happy as the characters in any horror movie are during the first half hour of the film.

   My wife asked me to put up a canopy with bright lights. I told her now is the winter of our disco tent.

   If you are ever wondering who your real friends are, delete your Facebook account and see who calls.

   Coming out can be hard as people don't understand our way of life and can be very close minded, but I feel in this day and age I can no longer be afraid to say I love Disco!

   So who's ready for the holiday for singles the day after Saint Valentine's Day! You know 50% off cake and candy day.

   "Your The Only One For Me" Valentine's Day cards on sale 2 for $5 just seems wrong, totally wrong.

   Wish there was a way to turn horrible books back into trees.

   When I was a kid I thought I would never grow up to be the type of person to go out running every morning. And I was right.

   Just cleaned up my friends list, so if you can see this post it means you've made the cut because your special!....or my worst enemy I just want to keep an eye on.

   Life is like a box of chocolates you never know which one you going to get, if you can't follow directions and just look at the little chart on the back of the box.

   Her: What sign are you most compatible with? Me: Krispy Kreme's hot and ready sign.

   Whoever said "Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today" knew how to log out of facebook.